Vicious Cycle

Blog Post by Wendy Kauffman

These last few weeks have been very difficult for me. Not a day has gone by where I wish I could just leave this place. I don't know if my doubts are normal, o.k., or just part of what we are doing. I doubt everyday that I can do this. That I can get through all of this mentally. There have been many days where I just wanted to stay in bed. Hidden from all the ugliness that exists outside my door.  I confessed to my husband on Saturday that I am finding myself not liking people very much at all right now. That this whole process of loving those cast out by society has made me not like most other people I come in contact with. I know it is not right, but that is where I am many days.

Tonight on my way to work I pulled up to one of the intersections close to the park where we serve breakfast every Saturday morning. One of our regulars was walking up the street, panhandling, as many of them do. As he got closer, I rolled down my window to say hi, as we always do. I tried to hand him a dollar, he turned me down as they normally do if they know us. After we chatted a few minutes waiting for the light to turn green, A police officer walked up behind him, grabbed him by the back of the shirt and pulled him over to the side of the road. The officer continued to shove him up the road until they returned to the patrol car, where he pushed him up against the car and cuffed him. He never identified himself before grabbing my friend, and he was far more rough than what he needed to be with a homeless guy who barely has the strength to walk, let alone fight this officer.

I was very upset! I wanted to get out of my car and tell him what for. I mean all they are going to do is take this guy to jail, keep him for 3 days, take all the money he has to house him in the county jail until they release him back to the streets to start over. A vicious cycle!

What I really wanted to know was why his heart was so bitter towards this man that he needed to handle him that way. Why couldn't he show love and compassion. Then it hit me tonight.

Maybe he does not know what love and compassion is? Maybe no one has ever showed that to him.

I surely didn't in that moment. I wanted to jump out of my car and treat that police officer the same way he was treating my friend. I didn't because I have kids and don't really fancy spending any amount of time in the county jail, but that is what I felt in my heart.

The reality is that my resentment to that officer was no different than his resentment for the homeless man! So how do I change it? What can I do to make a difference? If the cycle is going to change, is it possible that it needs to start with me? I have been spending a lot of time talking to God about this and asking Him to give me his eyes for people. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be! God did that for me tonight and honestly it hurts. Now to go and turn the tide!

Please pray for us! Pray that we will see each person we meet with the Love God has for them and that we will not  become bitter and hurt by what we see but that God uses it for good!