My really mean side!

Blog Post by Wendy Kauffman

Fair warning that this blog may come off sounding a little mean! If you are reading this please don't take offense. My husband says I can be a little mean sometimes and my kids most likely think that about me more often than not. Many people have had their doubts about us being here in Miami. Many argue that we are in the situation we are in because of this decision.

I have been through a lot in my adult life. Many of those things are a product of stupid mistakes I have made and bad decisions that I wish I could take back. I have experienced much hardship with my health. I was thinking back this morning to the day I was laying on a table with a needle in my back while a doctor was preparing to inject a nice little dose of radiation in a cyst that was causing major health issues for me. So much so there were days that I could not even walk up the stairs in my house to tuck my own kids in bed. I remember the day I sat in a little room in a big hospital saying goodbye to my newborn son and the many years of guilt that followed wondering if I could have done something different so that we could take our baby boy home instead of bury him. I keep wondering if we had just stayed in Missouri and continued to live our lives the way we were with a steady job if we would be in this mess. I don't know if things would have been different because of decisions that we made or didn't make.

Here is what I am absolutely sure of: God is always Good and We are always Loved.

I don't know very much at all! There is so much in my life that is up in the air right now. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I have a lot of questions about all that has happened and a lot of questions about what hasn't happened! There was a time that not having all the answers or not knowing where I was going next or not having the answers for all of these things we are facing right now would have been completely unacceptable to me. I am not good at living in a question mark. I have a plan!(Don't you just love the illusion of control). This is when my mean side comes out. When I don't have control! As my husband might say, this is when the dragon will come out!

Yesterday while at the park having breakfast, Jeff gets the call that the job he had for the day(the job that was going to put a roof over our head tonight)was cancelling. We HAD to have that money. The even worse part was that the job he had scheduled on Monday had also cancelled.. That meant there was nothing on the horizon for us. Talk about question mark! Talk about not having control. Being self employed as we both are right now leaves so many question marks it makes my head spin! But then, God reveals his goodness and shows how much he loves us and by 2:30 we were headed to a job that paid almost twice what he would have made on his earlier job.

Last night I was sitting by the bay while Jeff was finishing up a job. God hit me hard with this reality . Question marks are good! The question marks are what teaches us more just how much God loves us and just how much we can trust him. God put this city on our heart a long time ago and no matter how hard it is I know God has us right where he wants us right now.

I am so grateful today for a God who has been to all the dark places and knows how to travel them with us. We are never alone! God is always good and We are always loved!